OOPSIES!

2012-01-24T21:12:00.000+08:00

And so it took me around a year to decide to make a comeback, a few weeks longer to finally walk the talk, and a few more minutes of staring at a blinking cursor on my screen (did you know that it blinks 50 times a minute?) before I actually pressed a key to revisit what I—until now—could not believe had left. This is harder than I thought it would be.

No, I have not been too busy with work nor has my life turned too exciting for words to describe. In fact, ever since I started embracing what I have come to accept would be my fate for the next 50 years, I gradually lost my zest for life. My days have become predictable and routinary.

While it is true that we outgrow a lot of things in time, I do believe it is hard to “unlove” what have once been closest to our hearts. In my case, it only takes a little nagging from some islands away to remind me of that.

That I should live my life constantly doing what I love. That the world isn’t to blame for a life gone bland. That there is no use pointing fingers, not even towards oneself. That now is the best time to do something about it.

So this is how it used to feel. ☺

In Your Time

2011-06-28T23:28:00.004+08:00

Hangzhou, China 2010

Remind me again to believe,

that things will fall into place.

The lost will be found,

the unwanted, loved.

If not today, then tomorrow.

Or in time only You can tell.

a late 1-1-11 post

2011-01-02T00:23:00.000+08:00

some say that you get a glimpse of what you'd be doing the whole year by how you spend new year's day. well, i spent mine eating cereals in my pajamas while watching castaway in my dorm room... alone. oh. my. god. help me. HAHA!

it was new year's day until around 20 minutes ago. i'm not sure if this would pass as a glimpse of my 2011 even though i'm 20 minutes too late, but i'd take the chance anyway. i don't want to spend the whole year being the bummest of bums, so here goes...

THANK YOU.

to those who stood by my side, i would do anything to be by yours.
to those who had to leave, you made me stronger.
to those who believed in me, you're the reason why i'm on my feet.
to those who doubted, you made me believe in myself more than ever.

God, if you allow it, i'd like to spend the rest of the year being thankful... for everything. for what i've become. for what is to become of me.

新年快乐！

P.S. i'm coming home this year :)

BRB in 5 months ;)

2010-08-31T23:04:00.000+08:00

blogspot has been ALMOST impossible to access since i reached shanghai. for those who want to check if i'm still alive, do visit my temporary blog, My Daily Dose of Shanghai, at http://sweetpatatas.wordpress.com. i do daily updates, so if i'm gone for quite a while, i might have gotten lost somewhere in china or they just banned the site like they did with a thousand others. :P

BS in the bukid

2010-08-22T01:48:00.003+08:00

one taboo session...

(the word is "bottled water")

judith: a beverage with no sugar

darlene: water

judith: yes, two words.

marie: tap water?

judith: no! you order it in the restaurant.

marie: ICE WATER!

cheapipay much? hahaha!

my idea of a perfect weekend: chicharon and a sinful chocolate cake for afternoon snack, abusing my laptop's photobooth, stalking pretty college boys in facebook, yummy shrimps and adobo for dinner, playing taboo and the most absurd pinoy henyo, early midnight snack, making secret lists to bet on after a decade and a lot of peeing in between... all with 'em people who remind me why i love cebu. :)

what a way to spend my last saturday home. i can't wait to see them again in january!

8

2010-08-18T00:25:00.002+08:00

and it gets smaller every day. the beauty of nearing deadlines is that it reminds you to do everything once and for all.

tittle

2010-08-11T23:52:00.008+08:00

"you completely me," said i.

oftentimes we take for granted those whose existence give meaning to our lives. today, i am once again reminded of how short life is to delay every "thank you", every "i love you" and every "i'm sorry" that could be said now. every minute spent is one we can never take back. let it not be a minute wasted.

uncle ike, you will be missed.

21 to china

2010-08-05T00:11:00.006+08:00

i am 21 days away from rekindling my exciting life that once was.

frankly, i can vaguely remember how it feels to have my heart skip a beat from sneaking in the boys' dorm, catching a train ride without any destination in mind, playing hide-and-seek with campus guards just because i lost my ID, lying down on the road, illegally crossing highways at 2 am... you know, the stuff you don't get to do when you have a normal-borderline-boring life.

Shanghai, i am ready for you (i think). i cannot wait any longer!!!

P.S. i am currently watching a chinese-dubbed korean tv series with english subtitles to refresh the little chinese i knew back in high school and college. i recognize the curses more than the useful conversational words. i am a hopeless case. :P

P.P.S. after reading this post again, i would like to clarify that i have no plans of getting deported by engaging in activities deemed illegal by the Chinese government (except maybe access to facebook haha). i promise to be a good foreign student.

my brother is famous

2010-07-22T20:37:00.000+08:00

is it just me or does ahia look like buzz lightyear?

one of those random senseless nights

2010-07-20T15:24:00.008+08:00

there's something about this video that still makes it funny even after the 10th time i watched it. i think it's the silent laughter piling up in my system and pleading me to let it out at 2:30 am. but ahia was sick and i didn't want to wake him up, so the laughter stayed silent until around the 25th time when i couldn't help it anymore. i snickered-- just a snicker. the rest of it i let out in my dreams.

it's moments like these that i treasure as each lazy day goes by. it's a reminder of the child in me that i doubt would ever go away... i'm glad i have friends who bring that out once in a while. i'd like to think they keep me young at heart when actually, they're really just impediments to my maturity. HAHA. i love them to bits and pieces, anyway. :)

there's a dora in each of us. if you got friends who make you feel that it's perfectly fine to let it stroll in the woods of the real world sometimes, hold on to them. here's the dora in me:

and here are her own animal friends:

(photo from kythe kite flying '10)

P.S.

i just discovered the chinese translation of SweetPatatas.

can you say tian de pa ze?

...

VEEERRRRYYY GOOOOOOD!

i got a pocketful of sunshine

2010-07-13T00:58:00.010+08:00

there's a place that i go that nobody knows

where the rivers flow and i call it home

and there's no more lies, in the darkness there's light

and nobody cries, there's only butterflies

-Natasha Bedingfield

updates on my life:

1. the pictures above were the closest i could get to having an adventure. background fail. we ended up in kyle's room coz ahia's face blended with the walls of his. HAHA.

2. i'm waiting for the boys to finish playing Sudden Attack anytime soon so we can start watching Dexter.

3. nakilala ko si matthew goode kagabi dahil sa isang di-inaasahang pangyayari. gusto ko na rin patubuin at i-braid ang buhok ko sa ilong na parang ganito:

4. i dedicate #3 to mia carmela nitorreda tonogbanua. what's life without you? a peaceful one. oh wait, that was a rhetorical question.

5. this is a totally random post, but i'm publishing it anyway. it's demented Dexter time :D

counting the days

2010-07-10T18:38:00.009+08:00

since the day i became unemployed/a bum/on vacation, i have grown less aware of time and how quickly it passed whether i was having fun or not. i've laid low on papers, books and pens in february, searched for my soul and said goodbye to college in march, still held on in april, started to let go in may, revisited the yesteryears in june, and before i knew it, i'm a month away from *crossing fingers* an epic semester in Shanghai.

it just recently dawned on me what i'm about to get myself into-- cleaning my own bathroom, doing my own laundry, a foreign stranger for a roommate, chinese-speaking people, the cold weather and everything else i haven't thought of just yet. but there's no turning back from here. with a few more arrangements for my visa and dorm accommodations, i'll be good to go! it's scary, but i'm glad the excitement outweighs the nervous chills down my spine. thanks to kim, the sister i've always prayed for, and jeff, my self-proclaimed musically diverse neighbor, i know i'm in for one crazy adventure. wo bu hui deng! :)

P.S. speaking of crazy adventure,

it's one of those nights my brothers and i have nothing to do.

(bill is busy chatting with his girlfriend)

more of our slightly believable adventures some other time.

HAHA :D

happy fathers' day

2010-06-23T11:50:00.017+08:00

photo edited by John Go

i know it's 3 days too late, but who says i can't celebrate fathers' day in my own time? :P

the last gift i could ever remember giving papa was a sculpture of poop from blue magic almost a decade ago. it wasn't as dramatic as i hoped it would be, but that was grade 6 nikki.

it took me 9 years, a new house, his passing and a furniture change in my room to dispose of it. i still wonder why i never noticed how off it looked on my study table. talk about a table full of crap. :P

but material gifts won't do anymore (especially NOT generic gifts from the infamous blue magic), in my case, at least. so i guess a gift of words will suffice... with a little help from my amazing friend.

let me quote a comment he wrote on his site:

"The answer is heaven, by the way. Or to where ever your heart is."

...and i couldn't agree more. :)

meet my brother, gabe

2010-06-22T23:45:00.005+08:00

since i sleep in ahia's room, i have to put up with a lot of his annoying ways to keep me awake at night. his alphabet games, knock-knock jokes, impersonations, blah blah. i tried to make my own games like first-one-to-sleep, one-arm's-length-away or no-touching-til-tomorrow, but somehow, he manages to make his own rules and wins in the end. at some point, giving up was the wisest thing to do. so here i am, struggling night after night until i gather enough courage to sleep in my own room. that won't be long, i hope.

but he's not all that bad. we do have meaningful conversations, sometimes. allow me to share with you the one we had just last night...

me: why are you staring at me?
ahia: you're so cute, achi. can i call you cutiepie pretty?
me: ok. good night.
ahia: good night who?
me: good night ahia.
ahia: you should have a name for me, too.
me: good night, prettypie handsome?
ahia: i don't want to be pretty.
me: good night, cutiepie handsome?
ahia: but you're the cutiepie.
me: good night, sweetiepie handsome?
ahia: ahh, that's better.
me: k.

P.S.
if you think i have a crazy brother, wait til i tell you about the other two.

3 totally random thoughts before i sleep

2010-06-20T01:42:00.003+08:00

1. Some people are greater than they think. Never underestimate the power of reassurance. They deserve to know. It is up to them to believe.

2. "Because the world will die without it, go with love." This is and will always be my guiding principle in every decision that I have to make.

3. Happy fathers' day to all the dads in the world and beyond! Show some love while you can. It never gets old.:)

so long, sweet summer

2010-06-06T23:18:00.025+08:00

if it were any year in the past, by now i must have made my goodbye-summer-break/back-to-school blog post. but this year's summer break isn't like any other. i couldn't quite decide whether it's indefinite or simply non-existent. there's no saying goodbye to breaks or saying hello to new class scheds anymore since the day Fr. Ben handed me that rolled blank piece of bond paper that they made everyone believe was a diploma. yes, my friend, i survived 4 years of trying to make sense out of studying management and chemistry simultaneously.

so consider this my "goodbye summer and hello to rainy days of more bumming" post. and what better way to tell you why bumming is so much more fun under the scourging heat of the sun than to give you the top 5 reasons why summer 2010 rocks my socks.

1 the mis-adventures and everything in between

the girls and i planned a dvo-cdo-cbu trip for our "last hurrah" since it would probably take one of us to marry for us to see each other again. but due to "unforseen circumstances" (shobe getting grounded after a drunken night *haha* and kim being exiled in tagum), i ended up having mia, the coolest tour guide of davao, all to myself. and we just couldn't get enough of those unforseen circumstances, that the cdo airport's runway lights chose to add some more. i got to spend 2 more crazy days in davao, but this time, with kim. :) haze, trish and shobe joined us in cebu where we got sunburnt after braving downtown and invading pandanon. i'd have to say the whole trip gave justice to our final goodbyes. rolling down a hill, eating crocodile and ostrich, racing and bumping cars, walking on green water, getting stuck in the airport after a last-minute cancelled flight and fitting 11 people in a car make complete sense when you're with the people who made you love your college years.

2 sand, waves and the setting sun

summer would never be complete without the beach. since this was the first time i didn't have summer classes/ojt, i got more than my fair share of salty water and fish bites. i can't complain, though. cebu beach is like no other. the breeze, the food, the sand between my toes and the company of family and good friends--everything reminds me that i'm finally home.

3 tuesday lunch with my loves

for college graduates who don't know what to do with our lives, it's comforting to know that we're not alone. that's pretty much what tuesday lunch is for... updating each other about recent job interviews, random business ideas in case no one hires us and what we make out of our boredom. that's for the sensible part of lunch. the rest of the time, we just make a mess in the restaurant like shoot rolled tissue paper in a glass of water or make faces out of cigarette foils and tissue wraps. i'd like to think that someday, i'll be having tuesday lunch with rommelle the president (or house husband), rose the lawyer and stage mom, jeeboy the rich bachelor, kim the preschool teacher and owner of a cute children's hospital and john the father of 20 little chinese children. that would be the day.

4 BS emergency meetings and making fun of ditchers

you don't need to be einstein to know that darlene was the one who ditched us that night. i love how i flattened her butt in this picture (thank you, judith's photo-editing skills). i can attest to how much we've grown (or not grown) since high school... grown up. grown in size. whatever. i'm just glad we haven't grown apart. :) it's been 4 years since we've led different lives. fastforward to present, and we still got each other's back. that's no bullsh*t.

5 my favorite wedding

ok, so there isn't any bride or groom in the picture above, but i just had to post it. i think the wonggoys-julian rendition was the best version of "i'm yours" so far (beat that, jason mraz). on a different note, since auntie my likes to think she was prettier than me that day, i'd give her that.

favorite wedding. favorite couple. i'm proud to be a witness to their exchange of i do's... because that night, nothing else mattered.

another one out of a million reasons to smile

2010-05-19T13:42:00.007+08:00

"Got to go,

on my way to the library.

Free books,

it's a good day to be alive."

-John Go

i find it amazing how joy can be found in the littlest of things.

today, i "basked in the glory of johnsygo's photography", as he puts it. he's no ordinary photographer; he passionately captures beauty in everything and adds a dash of awesome and a handful of love to it. i think he's one of the greatest photographers i've ever known. i just thought the world should know, too. :)

visit his site, so you'll see what i'm talking about.

on staining hands for hope

2010-05-07T03:02:00.000+08:00

In the past months, I have been firm with my presidential choice, but I kept my opinions at a minimal. Noy, I would say, because I believe in him. That was I, then, trying to avoid stressing myself in heated arguments and political debates. Some thought I just chose to climb aboard the bandwagon; I kept quiet. Some bashed him in front of me, saying he’s retarded, and he uses his parents’ name to win the Filipinos; I chose not to say a thing. I’ve always hated politics (let alone talking about it) for the mere reason that it has been dirty since the moment I knew what it meant. And I didn’t want to stain my hands, so I kept a distance.

But this is more than politics. This is hope for the Philippines despite certain selfish politicians who run it. After 21 years of being indifferent, this is, for once, doing something that might just make things right for the country. For my country. For our country.

I am not here to convince anyone to switch colors; persuasion isn’t my forte. But this is I, letting my voice be heard. Mine may seem insignificant among the other millions of Filipinos’, but it is one, like the rest, that make up those millions. It is one that counts.

I will vote for Noynoy Aquino because I believe in him.

I believe in his competence. His years of service and a clean track record only prove that he is effective in his field. If he were incompetent and insincere, he would not have gained the trust of his people as to keep him in office. While it is true that he has not authored any law yet, he has passed 9 significant bills that are now pending. By significant, I mean those that matter to and are clearly made for the Filipinos, not merely for someone’s benefit. (click the link to know more about these bills http://www.noynoy.ph/v3/credentials.php)

I believe in his vision. Having read the platforms of the running presidentiables, I believe that the Aquino Platform has the most promise. With poverty as one of the most alarming problems in the country, I have in mind two important concerns that I believe should be addressed, and I’ve clearly found it in Noy’s platform. The first is on education. Noy has laid down, point by point, ways as to how to fix the country’s education system. When implemented, I believe it would mold competent Filipinos for sustainable jobs. But I think the problem on poverty isn’t only grounded on the fact that these people don’t have jobs to feed them. That leads to my second concern:

Corruption, and I believe in his fight against it. He has been firm in saying that he will make the current administration accountable for its corruption, and I trust that he will be true to his word. Punishing the corrupt may not instantly eliminate corruption in the country, but it assures us that such action will never be tolerated under his administration. Let’s face it; there will always be greedy people with big sounding names who want and have the power to take what isn’t theirs. What we need is someone who is not afraid to stand against them despite the possibility of losing support from existing and potential allies. I see that in Noy. (click on this link to know more about his platform http://www.thepoc.net/blogwatch-features/5049-noynoy-aquino-platform.html)

So to the people who have constantly asked me about my stand, tonight I finally stain my hands. I stain them where it matters. And I stain them yellow.

I ask for you to stain yours, too. It doesn’t matter what color you choose, stain them because you believe.

***ma, this is the reason why i'm still awake. sorreh :P

Dear God

2010-03-19T18:08:00.001+08:00

the 5th week is just too much to handle. please go easy on me. i'm trying, you know.

can i just say...

2010-03-07T23:25:00.005+08:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

...since i can't say it out loud in the room. OMG. :)

cute video :)

2010-02-23T15:08:00.002+08:00

starbucks study break thoughts

2010-02-21T00:55:00.003+08:00

There’s this feeling of security now that I have an idea where I’m headed after college… like at last, my heart is at peace. Perhaps it’s the uncertainty of the future that kept my heart troubled all along. Then again, I’m still not sure where exactly in this world I’m leading my life to. I don’t think I will ever be. I guess this peaceful feeling isn’t entirely because I know what I want to do, although I give it some credit. But maybe—just maybe—it’s because finally, I’ve decided to let fate take its course. It’s liberating, I tell you; I never knew I could be this free.

last

2010-02-20T02:13:00.004+08:00

this day was like any other. i woke up way beyond the time i set my alarm to, studied for my spanish final oral test that i almost missed, went to class for our final presentation, pretended to listen to senora, ate lunch with my favorite people in zekaf, crammed my LS paper, took off to catch a movie with mia and spent the rest of the night with mar in starbucks.

and as i am left awake tonight just like any night, i realize that things will never be the same again.

tomorrow, the sun will wake me up. i will stay in bed as long as i want. i might have to start studying for the rest of my final exams, but i will no longer have classes to consider cutting. no more meetings and papers to cram. no more school nights turned movie nights. no more invading starbucks with dormers.

things will never be the same again.

i'm so proud of you dong

2010-02-01T16:17:00.007+08:00

ARSA Video 2010
Directed by John Go

***help his dream of 1,000,000 views on youtube come true by clicking on this link.

senior syndrome

2010-01-30T23:25:00.010+08:00

funny, i realized, how great it feels to surround myself with people who share the same comfort in knowing that we're never too old to run around, fly kites and lie on the grass.

this is what i'll miss most about college.

JUAN PRIDE Variety Show

2010-01-27T14:31:00.002+08:00

On the 5th of February, witness all sorts of amazement transpire in one show. Dubbed as the biggest on-campus event in the Ateneo, the ARSA Variety Show gathers the hottest and most promising talents all over the country. This years show is entitled JUAN PRIDE, with the aim to promote Filipino youth empowerment. All proceeds will be for Do-Nation Building, an effort to provide assistance to typhoon victims in rebuilding their lives beyond relief.

*Tickets are sold at Php150. If interested, contact me at 09173252427.

Share the pride of being Filipino. JUAN PRIDE.

the art of uncaring

2010-01-27T00:04:00.000+08:00

as they say, there's always a little emotion behind 'i don't care'.

invisible.

2010-01-12T17:34:00.004+08:00

"It’s amazing how many times you can travel the same route without noticing a particular sign. Then when you’re looking for it, there it is."
-God's Debris, Scott Adams

that's true for most of the time-- some things have always been there, but you never notice them.

because you only see what you want to.

frost is famous!

2010-01-10T01:27:00.014+08:00

i had vinegar poured on my hair, but today is a happy day!
(well, yesterday, coz it's 1:30 am)

i woke up to a text message from mia saying Frost got featured in the Philippine Daily Inquirer. being the lazy-ass-on-a-lazy-saturday-morning that i was, i went back to sleep and ignored the message. when i decided to get up, i found Lean in the room to give me my own copy of the article, (thanks lee, you're such a dear =*) but i didn't get the chance to read it because i was almost late for Frost production.

i didn't realize how much of an awesome news it was until i met my groupmates, and text messages wouldn't stop coming in from all over the country inquiring about our product. we even got orders from cebu and bohol! it was too overwhelming, that i had to text mar and kim to get me another copy. trust me, Frost making sessions haven't been this inspiring--nakakataba talaga ng puso.

to Cura Natura for being the best groupmates i could ever ask for,
to my friends who have always believed in Frost--even more than i do,
to Bianca Consunji for writing the article, (we owe you a lot!)
to everyone who purchased or showed interest in our product,

THANK YOU!

*****
please continue supporting products made by BS MAC '10--Sabon ni Juan (novelty lush soaps), Mom's Made (malunggay mayonnaise and sandwich spread), Chi (goji berry milk tea), Repel (insect repellant) and of course, Frost (pain relieving cream). =D

sitting, waiting, wishing

2010-01-07T23:14:00.003+08:00

every night.
in no particular order.

hanggang kelan ba ako maghihintay?

My 2009 Soundtrack

2010-01-06T01:43:00.006+08:00

January
Fireflies by Owl City
for special people who came home from JTA

February
Rainbow Connection by Jason Mraz
for a friend who lost her Ahia Mheng

March
Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles
for that one final stretch before summer

April
No Such Thing by John Mayer
for every night i spent in UDN 201

May
Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bob Marley
for a friend who would be back in Ateneo soon

June
Bruises by Chairlift
for my last first semester in college

July
Always Love by Nada Surf
for disappointments and rising above them

August
The Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin
for all the piled anxieties and stress

September
Still Alright by Adam Merrin
for all the hurt that Ondoy has caused

October
It's A New Day by Will.I.Am
for the Atenean pride that i share

November
Buses and Trains by Bachelor Girl
for self doubt and realizations

December
Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Rae
for a conversation i could never forget

how do you measure a year?

2010-01-03T13:15:00.006+08:00

525, 600 minutes.
plus the minutes i spend cramming (2 mins. worth of work in 1 min.),
minus the times i just choose to sleep instead of working.
but not to those who could not afford to enjoy time.
for a minute of rest would mean 80 cents less for his family.

1,095 meals.
plus all the snacks and random munches in between,
minus all the accumulated leftovers on my plate.
but not for those who barely have the chance to eat in a day.
to them, it would be a miracle to reach 365 meals.

10 months in school.
plus the hours i spend doing school work and all those crap,
minus the classes i cut or was tardy just because.
but not for those who are deprived of education.
they would do anything for a month in the classroom.

365 nights of sleep.
plus the 3-hour naps i take during the day,
minus the nights i spend partying with my friends.
but not for those who work til late night.

...hoping their families could enjoy 525,600 minutes, eat at least 1,095 full meals, spend 10 months in a good school, and get 365 nights of peaceful slumber.

*****
dear self,
please be less apathetic this year.
<3, nicole

on frozen yogurts

2010-01-02T01:54:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, you should just be thankful for what you have--creamy or not creamy.

to the year that was

2010-01-01T13:50:00.009+08:00

http://rinabow.tumblr.com

just a few days before coming home for Christmas break, i found myself talking to kimber about 2009. she said she's glad the year was coming to an end.

i thought for a minute, and then i realized i was, too.

don't get me wrong, 2009. i will surely miss you. among all else, you made me stronger. :)

3 months

2009-12-31T11:58:00.006+08:00

overlooking Cebu City from tops

photo taken by Paolo Canton

Cebu, you are captivating. But will I ever be ready to come home for good?

and it was called yellow.

2009-12-15T22:12:00.003+08:00

"did it hurt?"
"yes, of course."
"do you still miss him?"
"i still do, sometimes."

if he were here, i think he would have been the only man who could not dare break my heart.

2009-11-29T03:26:00.001+08:00

today, i learned to set free... and it's the best feeling i've had for so long. :)

RANDOM.

2009-10-13T03:32:00.006+08:00

i think i'm gonna change my hairstyle... from straight to long wavy hair like Gwyneth Paltrow. MAYBE i just need a fresh start. FROM EVERYTHING. my hair first, and the rest will follow. that's if i concede, of course... i've always had my hair the way it is now. the mere thought of changing it scares me. i might just turn into a Mia Thermopolis. oh well... let's see what happens during sembreak... that's 4 days from now! random, i told you so.

tama nga naman

2009-10-09T22:27:00.001+08:00

"Parang elevator lang 'yan e. Bakit mo ipagsisiksikan ang sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sa 'yo? E, meron naman hagdan. Ayaw mo lang pansinin."

-Bob Ong

a ym conversation that punched some sense into me--

2009-10-06T22:06:00.004+08:00

my status: bv bv bv bv

john: what's bv?
nicole: bad vibes
john: why are you bv?
nicole: ganiha. tickets. (for the UAAP finals. i lined up for a long time and ended up not getting any) i just hate it when i follow rules but don't benefit from it. other people who don't follow benefit instead.
john: life is unfair, nic. don't you think the people in marikina think the same way? why do people who can afford to lose their house stay safe? ...and those who can't, lose theirs. that's bv.
nicole: fine. i guess other people have bigger problems.
john: it's ok nic. we all have the right to be bv. btw, have you watched love story meets viva la vida?
nicole: oooohhh yeah! i'll watch it now :)

and that was it. all the BV's that piled up today disappeared just like that. john always has his way of making me see things in a different light. i just needed that 5 minute conversation and a beautiful video to end this day with a happy heart. the exact reason why i love him to the sky and back! what a friend :)

P.S. here's a link to the video.

it's breathtaking! <3

One Big Fight, Ateneo!

2009-10-04T22:38:00.001+08:00

*Ateneo loses to UE on its second game*
Nicole: what if we don't win?
Gus: champions don't ask that question. they ask themselves, "how do we win?"

KABLAM! and it hit me right then and there. i shouldn't be sulking too much over losing 20 points to UE... there's still a third game! so rather than mumbling about how the game sucked, i should be brainstorming on how to get good tickets for this thursday's final game... the last for this season, and hopefully the last in my college life! so how's it gonna be?

wake up on tuesday at 4am to line up, buy 'em two golden tickets to the Ateneo-UE game, and run to the covcourts in time for my morning shift in the relief operations? hmmm... sounds good to me! :)

you see, life isn't about what if's... screw them, possibilities. we make our own destiny! how exactly?

start by turning all our "WTF's?" to "FTW"! yes, For The Win!

i love mikey boy

2009-10-04T01:21:00.006+08:00

but there are times when i just don't understand him.

*while walking to the dorm*
mikey: colot! stay on the sidewalk. there's a car coming!
nicole: huh? i'm big enough to be noticed, mike.
mikey: you're not big enough. you're bite-size.
nicole: ahhh bastusa!
mikey: oh wait, you're not bite-size, billy is.
nicole: unsa man diay ko?!
mikey: you're tapeworm-size.
nicole: ?!?!?!

*we see a fat kid helping out in the relief operations*
nicole: awwwwww, she's so cute!
mikey: i know right? she's so cute, i want to bite her head off! numnum!
nicole: ?!?!?!

*while i'm manning the registration booth in the relief operations, mikey comes and smells my arm*
nicole: mike, stop smelling me!
mikey: ayy, but you smell good. you smell like a girl.
nicole: ?!?!?!

a post Typhoon Ondoy blog

2009-10-02T01:47:00.004+08:00

that day when the rain wouldn't stop pouring and i could see the Loyola Cemetery turning into a large lake of murky water from my window, i knew something was going wrong.

my heart has been on a roller coaster ride since then. it jumped from indifference, to fear, to desperation, to hope... i've never felt more alive. and i know everything that i've chosen to do about the wrath of Ondoy is worth it.

because at the end of the day when i've exhausted all my energy, my heart is still smiling. Ateneo Task Force Ondoy is my new addiction. :)

hugwalk

2009-09-25T18:19:00.000+08:00

from here to wherever you are. :)

on simple joys that make my day

2009-09-23T23:49:00.004+08:00

because of cancelled classes, we'll be following the monday sched tomorrow. i hate my MWF classes. imagine 2 different lectures of chem and a boring theo class! *GAH* but here's something to celebrate the Monday sched on a supposedly "no-class-thursday":

breakfast with billy and shanon... and then MWF lunch with my loves! oh, the best of both days <3

MWF lunch has always been special to me since i-don't-know-when. there's a reason to celebrate with my loves just every time... reasons that range from J's butt to thomas crapper, and even to the most absurd event that we find in wikipedia (today is first-public-version-of-the-web-browser-mozilla-firefox-is-released day). whatever it may be, there's no stopping us from having our 11:30 lunch at Zekaf. :)

i just love how i get to spend even just one hour of my crappy weekdays with the people who always ALWAYS make my day. i guess i don't really need to look for an event in wikipedia... deep inside, i know they are enough reason to celebrate.

advanced happy it's-a-monday-sched-today day, everyone!

FAIL

2009-09-19T02:46:00.000+08:00

HUGCOUNT GOAL FOR THE DAY: 30

ACTUAL HUGCOUNT: 27

1. kim ong
2. mia tonogbanua
3. jeff dy
4. jody ledesma
5. ken casas
6. john go
7. mariel calejesan
8. hazel yap
9. chelsea pecson
10. cookie enriquez
11. nikka consunji
12. ervin dy
13. kiki ongsiyping
14. tanya mendoza
15. jorge uy
16. luby lubaton
17. jemika soledad
18. dave anastacio
19. acey mendoza
20. janna alcantara
21. anjo damasco
22. jd ngeo
23. chester valdellon
24. bocho bascuna
25. bruce sua
26. anton baldemor
27. billy santos

FAAAAAIL.

HIGH FIVE!

2009-09-18T20:19:00.000+08:00

the beauty of real friendships
is that even when you think it's gone,
it knocks on your door quite unexpectedly.
and when you let it in yet again--
you know all the pain it once caused you?
they don't matter anymore... just like that.

i missed you, dong! :)

everybody loves jauro

2009-09-18T00:17:00.002+08:00

while boarding a cab to SM Baguio, billy and jauro take the front seat...
Jauro: manong, ipod nyo po.
*tingin kaming lahat*
Jauro: ay, seatbelt lang pala!
*billy opens the window and shouts it to the whole world*

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

while riding a cab back to Teachers' Camp
*billy singing*
Jauro: ay kuya, si billy po pala!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

later that night,
Billy: bakit mo ba ako pinakilala sa driver?
Jauro: hindi ko rin alam. hahaha!

while the girls are talking in the room, Jauro comes in
Jauro: ay, puro babae!
*jauro goes out*
the girls run to give Jauro a group hug
Jauro: okay. awkward!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

on hugs

2009-09-17T23:54:00.000+08:00

at exactly 11:47 pm, i completed my 10 hugs for the day. :)

September 17 hug list:

1. mia tonogbanua
2. mariel calejesan
3. ken casas
4. jv castro
5. mikey solomon
6. pia tecson
7. rose cupin
8. hazel yap
9. erika hayco
10. shobe munda

tomorrow's goal: 30 hugs! :)

a post deped-nltsgo thought

2009-09-11T10:45:00.001+08:00

Shanon was right. Teachers’ Camp hasn’t changed. The tile in the middle of Pages Hall’s conference room has been broken ever since. NEAP Hall was still farthest from civilization; Quirino Hall, still small and intimate; Quezon Hall, still humid and jam-packed; and Benitez Hall, still with the most number of participants ever hungry to learn. Everything looked the same—old, scary, freezing. But why do we keep coming back?

We all know the reason. And I don’t think words will ever give it justice.

WOW :)

2009-09-10T00:54:00.000+08:00

around a year ago, i grew close to one of my kids in DepEd-NLTSGO. i remember him coming to me after the breakout sessions to ask about college life. he was graduating high school then, and i could see it in his eyes how much he wanted to get into ateneo and join STRAINs. it's no doubt he was my favorite because i never forgot his name, Nino.

during this school year's dorm orsem, i was hoping i could find him among those freshmen in their goofy costumes trying to get our signatures-- but i didn't. I tried going over the list to see if there was a Nino from Surigao-- but there wasn't.

it took another DepEd-NLTSGO to pass for me to finally find him. seeing his comment on my wall post for billy literally froze a big 15-second smile on my face! even as we talked and catched up, i still couldn't believe it. my day couldn't have been any happier :)

turns out he did pass the ACET, but his mom wanted him to take up accounting in USC Cebu. why do i have a strong feeling i'd bump into him someday soon?

you know, it's funny how fate works. when you lose touch with someone who has made a difference in your life, the whole world conspires for you to meet again. :)

<3

2009-09-03T23:39:00.002+08:00

"IT MAY SEEM BORING, BUT I THINK IT'S THE BORING STUFF THAT I REMEMBER THE MOST." -Russell

i watched UP with Mia today. this was the part when Russell talked about how his dad used to take him to a curb and count cars. my heart melted. yesterday would have been my parents' silver wedding anniversary.

2009-08-27T11:29:00.002+08:00

august is ending, but the stress isn't. i wish i could, even just for a day, stop caring.

thank god for random hugwalks and surprise kisses when i feel like giving up.

on yearbook write-ups

2009-08-15T03:28:00.000+08:00

God knows how many times i've tried to do my write-up, but always, i ended up staring at berting as it stared right back at me.

at first, i wanted to do it myself coz i knew how busy my friends were (and deymn, it's not easy writing for someone else), but i had no choice. i guess i don't know myself that much. HAHA. so i asked helped from the people whom i think knew me best, but i wasn't able to include everything. i'll leave them here, so their efforts wouldn't be put to waste ;)

COCO my most loved blockmate:
Full of spontaneity,s mall but terrible, masarap kakwentuhan, very sensible, has lots of kooky ideas, masayang kasama

KIM my pinaka langlang in the whole world:
Superfriend, creative, best spirit lifter ever, writer, walay libog, secret keeper
accepting, humble genius talent; you know when I need you most even without me having to tell you; someone I could walk in comfortable silence with and I could laugh inappropriately with and all else in between

JOHN my big-headed paleolithic loser:
The only friend you need to survive in this world (trust me, it took him so much time to come up with this.)

MIGUEL my pinaka-kulit orgmate:
Very quiet, loves to laugh and eat, good friend but very cautious as well; it takes time to know her; loves to party, soft spoken, loves to listen or in my case, has no other choice but to.

RIO my make-believe brother whom i loooove:
she's very approachable and is game for everything. she doesn't judge things that others normally would, and that draws people to her, she's funny at times yet has her moments of silence. she's witty, smart, and she doesn't take up much space. what more could anyone ask for? she's a yes woman, saying yes to life and living it to the fullest.

FRANCES my bestestest friend:
Personality-wise, i'd like to think my best friend resembles one of the characters from my favorite tv shows, but i realized that she doesn't. she is unique. she is an intelligent, down to earth, trustworthy, level-headed person who is always giving of herself to those who need her. she is the best friend anyone could ever have, and i'm super lucky to have her as mine.

I LOVE YOU ALL! :)

dear self

2009-08-11T01:25:00.000+08:00

you cannot afford a breakdown. not now.

kaya ko ba 'to?

2009-08-08T01:08:00.000+08:00

Aug9 Sunday
DepEd NLTSGO Day 2 Module Final Draft

Aug10 Monday
Theo Long Exam
AnaChem Quiz
PhyChem PreLab
DepEd NLTSGO Auditions Panel

Aug11 Tuesday
DepEd NLTSGO Auditions Panel
LS126 Long Exam
PhyChem PostLab

Aug12 Wednesday
DepEd NLTSGO Auditions Panel
DepEd NLTSGO 1st Dry Run

Aug13 Thursday
Mia's Write-up
Aegis Photoshoot
Theo Midterm Oral Exam
ARSA Batch GA

Aug14 Friday
Kim's Write-up
PhyChem Long Exam
AnaChem Long Exam

Aug15 Saturday
DepEd NLTSGO Final Dry Run

Dorm Parties (unedited)

2009-08-01T10:34:00.003+08:00

ARSA ORSEM 09 (unedited)

2009-08-01T10:03:00.009+08:00

SENIOR YEAR... what i've learned thus far

2009-07-23T11:40:00.003+08:00

being honest in "i've never" games with the right people makes inuman nights so much more meaningful. it's not really about revealing DEEP DARK SECRETS; it's about realizing you're never alone... there will always be someone to drink up with you.

when time is ticking and each day brings you closer to the end of college, you will do anything and EVERYTHING just for the sake of it. bend the rules, break them if you want. get caught by the police, purposely leave your ID at home and play dakop2x with the guards in school, cut classes for extra-curricular activities (or to sleep)... just for the heck of it.

a lot of things won't turn out as you planned. you may have come up with brilliant ideas for months, but always, something will go wrong. people will disappoint you, but that doesn't mean they can't be trusted anymore. the weather and other things beyond your control will disappoint you, but that shouldn't take you down. most of all, you will disappoint yourself... over and over again... but who's to say there's no room for change? you have your whole life ahead of you.

fall in love, and fall out of love. allow yourself to be kilig, make yourself vulnerable. if your heart gets broken, mend it. if you break someone's heart, make sure you don't repeat the same mistakes with the next one. try to stay friends with your ex's. after all, you were friends before you became one of those cheesy couples who can't get enough of each other in the lobby. but hopefully, things will work out for the both of you. if it does, then anything must be worth everything.

surround yourself with friends... real ones. within your college years, you find many friends from all corners of the school, but not all of them will stay. when you find your real friends, stick with them. they're the ones who will cry with you when you fail a long test, bring you medicines and gatorade when you're sick, carry you to your room when you're too drunk to walk... they will be there no matter what circumstances.

find out what you love and stick to it. by now, you should have found the right org/s for you. step up. this is your last chance... your final year. once you step out of the grounds of the Ateneo, there's no turning back time. so let your voice be heard, bring your org forward before it's too late. i tell you, if something really matters to you, it's gonna be worth your time, effort and sleepless nights. trust me, it's even worth more than that. :)

because in college, they say they want to prepare you for the real world. when you think about it, it shouldn't be all about studying and getting A's in long tests. you will learn a lot more outside than you do in the classrooms. yes, you need to pass all those sucky subjects to get you into the job you want. but to learn how to live your life in the real world, all you really have to do is live it, and you will learn as you go along. :)

the lonely pill

2009-07-08T19:58:00.003+08:00

gorjus: hey there, lonely pill! how does it feel to be alone?
bioflu: it's sad. where have all my brothers gone?
gorjus: they all tried to save my life, but big bad cough was too strong.
bioflu: bad boys never win! we can't let him win!
gorjus: wanna try your luck and be my hero?
bioflu: sure, gorjus! i'll fight big bad cough for you!
gorjus: ok, then. off you go to my tummy!
bioflu: WEEEEE! =D

*****and so my mind makes up stories during analytical chem discussions.

on letting go

2009-06-25T16:41:00.002+08:00

sometimes, you just have to let go...

of the things that make you angry, of your fears, of your prejudices on certain matters, and of past hurts...

also, of the things that make your life comfortable, of whatever makes you smile for now, of the people you love, and of the little joys they bring...

because maybe you're meant for something more. and someday, you'll realize it was worth all the pain of setting free. :)

tails.

2009-06-13T12:21:00.002+08:00

we flip a coin to make tough decisions between our desires and what's right. the coin tells us to do the right thing, but we flip it again and again until it tells us to do what we want. when troubles come, we blame the coin. we blame fate. we say fate has brought us to where we are now. we say fate has told us to follow our desires.

you see, we ask for signs, but we defy them. they're just there so we have something put the blame on when things go wrong. but at the end of the day, we make our own destiny, and there's no blaming anything or anyone else but us.

L for leaver.

2009-06-08T00:51:00.003+08:00

...funny, sweet, trustworthy, reliable, never pretentious.

you're also lazy, childish, impulsive and a cigarette vendo machine.

but the best part about you is that you know exactly how to make me smile.

***

had i known you're spending your senior year apart from us, i would've tried to make the most out of our last sem together. college would be so much different without you, bai, but shit happens. and there's no way we're gonna let that bring us down! :) rockband and inuman til sawa na ni sa sembreak! pagbinut-an para ma extend na imo curfew! :P

soulmates

2009-06-03T00:05:00.002+08:00

big scary green and red lizard, meet not-so-scary-lizard-on-my-leg. =D

the lasts of college summers

2009-06-02T20:16:00.007+08:00

i stumbled upon coco's blog on her lasts of college, and i thought it would be a great way to remind myself to seize every bit of my senior year.

so i came up with my own "lasts" thus far...

MY LAST (and only?) ARSA FORMSEM

April 24-26, 2009

MY LAST SUMMER DORM PARTY

May 1, 2009

...and the list will get longer through the coming months.

what joy!

2009-05-23T01:37:00.005+08:00

i know posting a nonsense blog after a month of hibernation can rather be disappointing, but i couldn't contain my excitement!

Children's Garden Photography Studio.

someday, i will have a studio just like that. it's too good a dream to be true, but i'm glad i have kimber to share this with... this alone makes it feel so real. :)

there's a rainbow always after the rain

2009-04-20T00:54:00.002+08:00

...or at least a little one drawn on a misty windshield of a car that broke down in the middle of a busy road.

so if you feel that fate is against you, think of alanis morrisette's ironic:

"an old man, turned ninety-eight, won the lottery and died the next day... a black fly on your chardonnay... a death row pardon two minutes too late"

or four people who decided to catch a flick and ended up stuck in the car somewhere along the highway on a rainy evening. HAHA!

life can't be too bad! :)

samok kaayo ka :(

2009-04-13T18:10:00.002+08:00

kinsa nalang akong kulitun ug rockband or cantina?
kinsa nalang akong kuyog tuun sa sbc?
kinsa nalang akong sahia?
kinsa nalang akong binuangan ug all the single ladies?
kinsa nalang akong sturyaan about everything?
kinsa nalang akong sawayun nga pinakabayot sa UDN?
kinsa nalang mu chika nako sa iyang baduy lovelife plans?
kinsa nalang akong kuyog GB?
kinsa nalang ang only boy na maabot nakog agbay?

to the unemployed

2009-03-28T23:43:00.004+08:00

monching ramos. thank you for being there when i had no one else to talk to about certain things. kahit alam ko na sinasabi mo kay ken lahat ng sinasabi ko na SECRET lang dapat, ok lang. having someone like you to listen is more than enough. i'll miss our jokes that are either bastos or just kadiri. at the end of it all, ito lang masasabi ko sa yo: =) =* =P OH YES, SIXMATE!!!

bocho bascuna. thank you for the times when you'd adopt me on your dates with calejes. wag kang mag-alala, balang araw makakahanap na rin ako ng boyfriend... masosolo mo na siya. haha :) without you and monch, i have no one else to tease myself to. huhu.

cris blardony. thanks for the wonderful sem by your side (literally.) haha you are one cool roommate, and i'm glad to have spent a sem on the same corner with you. nagmukha mang payatas ang corner natin, mas marumi pa rin kina mar! haha! i'll miss hiding from our odd neighbor while telling stories about multos and her might-be-relatives! HAHAHA!

lara tonogbanua. what can i say, sawa na ako sa mga tonogbanua!=P but you are one of the two of my favorite tonogbanua's in the world! i'm sure gonna miss those times when you'd knock on my door to sell stuff or just to samok us! hahahaha... wala na kaming gossip girl from eliazo :(

and to the rest of the seniors whom i missed (i know there are a lot), thank you. you have so much ahead of you. don't forget to savor every moment because just as college has passed a tad bit too quickly for you guys, the real world's gonna be a rush!

run the race, but pause once in a while... and smile for the picture! =D

undo

2009-03-23T00:14:00.002+08:00

i want you to stay.

ctrl+z.

go away!

an aha moment for me

2009-03-21T18:12:00.004+08:00

it was a few hours before our long exams when we all felt we've had enough studying for the day. so we ordered pizza and decided to play dream day on my laptop. our eyes were all glued on berting to look for stuff hidden in the picture when mariel and her wandering mind suddenly bloated, "i think i can use this game for philo," (yeap, she's random like that.) "you know how the game asks you to look for something, and you think it's this thing, but it's not?" (yeap, she's confusing like that.) "pilosopiya!" (yeap, she's weird like that.)

and surprisingly, i understood. a few days back, mia and i played the same game. we had 3 minutes left to look for one more thing, a stamp. we searched here and there for that one rubber stamp to end the game but couldn't find it. so we used our last hint only to find out that we were supposed to look for a post stamp.

and that's when a thought hit me. nope, this has nothing to do with philosophy anymore (or so i believe).

imagine walking along a path that leads to a barrel of reese's peanut butter cups (or whatever makes you happy. haha)... more often than not, your eyes would probably be on the cups the whole time, without having to realize that the path itself was made up of peanut butter.

you see, sometimes we tend to become too obsessed to find what we think we want, without considering that what we want might just be something else. something completely different. i'd like to think we're far less materialistic than we all seem. what moves us isn't what we want but that unexplainable feeling of content after working hard for it.

happiness, for the lack of a better word.

i think finding happiness has a lot to do about what you think would make you happy and what really makes you happy. the more you're open to the possibility that there's happiness in a lot of things, the easier you'd find what truly makes you smile.

and i hope we all find happiness in the smallest things in this seemingly sad saaaad world. what do you think? =D

Halo by Martina Sandiego

2009-03-15T22:23:00.002+08:00

***she's one of the reasons why i want a ukulele (i hope ahia gets me one). HAHA... i'm an avid fan. =D

for more of marti's videos, visit andie's youtube site andierhean.

oh when chem freaks collide

2009-03-12T00:35:00.011+08:00

***ON SUPERIMPOSABLE MOLECULES***

"Molecules that are identical."
-PD Dr. Stefan Immel

"Something that may be laid or placed on or over something else."
-http://www.dictionary.com

"Pag pinagpatong-patong lahat ng boys ni Mariel. Sina B, M and J... superimposable!"
-Nicole Rae Wong, BS MAC '10

"Huh? Si B and M klaro superimposable pero ngano apil man si J?"
-Kirsten Vincente Casas, BS MAC '10

"Superimposable ung unbelievable sobra. kasi diba kung posable pwede mangyari so super imposable, sobrang di pwedeng mangyari. haha!"
-Ramon Alberto Ramos, BS Psych '09

"Yawa! Matulog nalang ko!"
-Marie Elaine Calejesan, BS Mgt '10

bisag unsaon ug pahumot sa igit, igit gihapon.

2009-03-11T11:52:00.002+08:00

i must admit, i actually had fun studying org chem last night... for the first time. like when those geniuses who were once unaware that they could do great things finally realized what they were born for, i felt as if i've reached my turning point.

oh scrap that. i THOUGHT i've reached my turning point.

but life has its way of slapping me with the reality that i'm no different from an elementary kid who can't draw the structure of L-leucine.

salamat, modesto chua, at hindi mo na pinatagal tong kahibangan ko.

this isn't my turning point after all.

it's my, well... it's my point of no return. in a few months i'm gonna be a senior. there's no way i'm turning my back on this. after everything i've been through, there's no way i'm giving up this time.

because a year from now, i'm gonna get a diploma that says BS Management of Applied Chemistry. i will be remembered as a sucky MAC major, but a survivor, nonetheless.

i can't wait for that time to come. maybe that will be my turning point... or another point of no return.

hai. igit uy.

twas a load of bull. twis a load of bull. twill forever be a load of bull.
(uuuy! starring the non-bitter darlene lois.)

echo

2009-03-04T00:00:00.001+08:00

close my eyes

let the whole thing pass me by

there is no time

to waste asking why

HAPPYNESS is...

2009-02-26T23:58:00.004+08:00

1. my planner... with coco's random notes, ken's doodles and john's kuriskuris
2. surprise freecuts especially in 3-hour classes!
3. rockband/inuman/marikina saturday nights with the guys
4. SBC study nights with my favorite study buddies
5. spontaneous stopovers before heading to the dorm
6. krispy kreme's cookies n cream donut dipped in hot chocolate... YUM!
7. jorge's baon every org chem to satisfy my hunger
8. kate micucci's dear deer and worst songs medley
9. my super messy corkboard and everything stuck on it
10. going home to cebu after a looong deadly semester

*wala lang, i was browsing through our college photos and found this. it's one of john's very few matinong edits of my pictures. the rest either deliberately highlighted my nose (yes, i have a big nose. thank you, papa) or made me look ugly. haha! it just got me thinking, ang babaw nga pala talaga ng kaligayahan ko. =D

hats off!

2009-02-22T04:17:00.010+08:00

there are many stages that the heart goes through
just read the many pages that have led you to
the one your heart belongs to and sings its songs to
it all begins with hi, hello,
the love her, hate him, love him so,
first dance, first kiss, first ball, you know,
it's all a part of the stages of love

LSS <3

I'd watch Stages of Love over and over again if I could. =D

2009-02-08T17:44:00.000+08:00

i wish i had a freeze ray, so i could stop the world =D

on death

2009-02-02T14:54:00.001+08:00

among creepy crawling insects, small ugly dogs, the sound of crickets at night, the thought of vampires and other things that i fear, today i realized there is one more thing i've always been afraid of--death.

that is, the thought of losing someone. it's way beyond the overrated drama of college break-ups... more than failed friendships, divorce or even hating someone that you choose not to see him anymore for the rest of your life. the death of a loved one brings an end to being with someone whom you've chosen to share your life with.

the thought of no longer being able to feel the warmth of his embrace or the laughter he brings. that scares me... i know it scares a lot of us.

in philosphy, we talk about death as the only thing that's certain in our lives, so that when we finally face it-- whether it's someone else's or our own--we would know how to deal with it. it seems so simple talking about it in class, but i realized i don't think i will ever be completely ready for it. i just know it's gonna hurt so much.

i guess we just have to believe that everything happens for a reason. time and again, crimes, accidents and diseases seem to prove otherwise, but i've convinced myself that i just have to believe in it. other people may think it's pathetic to look for the good in whatever hell they go through; yet somehow, no matter how pathetic it may be, that little spark of faith is one of the few things that i believe would keep me going. it's what helped me through when i faced papa's untimely death some years back.

and of course, how could we ever get through without the people who choose to face it with us. they remind us that we will never be alone.

...you are not alone. :)

2009-01-27T19:32:00.000+08:00

GAAH!
i hate thinking too much.
God, please tell me i'm overthinking.
coz if it's real, i think it's gonna hurt
twice as much as it did before. :(
i'm scared.

=)

2009-01-19T21:25:00.001+08:00

oftentimes, we find ourselves afraid of being away from the people we love. and i've notice it's more than the issue of trust or distance or time.

it's change.

we're scared that they've changed... without us by their side. eventually, we blame that for hurting us. but really, change doesn't hurt us.

we hurt... because we close our eyes and hold on to the image of who they used to be. we pray hard that in time, the image becomes real. truth is, it'll never be real again.

we find that we don't know them anymore, at least not as much. what used to make them laugh, how they prefer their breakfast cooked, their movie nights, their inside jokes... these become a thing of the past.

so we gradually learn that new look on our face that would crack them up, how to cook scrambled eggs with cheese instead of the usual sunnyside up... we learn that what used to be movie night is now booze night with the guys. we learn to live with who they are now.

because at the end of the day, there's this one little thing in them that reminds us of who we used to love. deep inside, they still cry over cheesy novels and are still afraid of the dark. and when we find that one little thing, we realize--we love them just the same. :)

10

2009-01-17T23:27:00.002+08:00

Write ten statements, intended to different people - things you've always wanted to tell them. Never tell which one is to whom.

1. i never knew how much you mean to me until the time when i thought i'd lose you. please be strong, we can fight this.

2. thank you for the random notes on my planner. they always ALWAYS make my day. :)

3. i'm happy with how things are between the both of us now. you remain special, and you will always be... =D

4. you're the one person i could tell everything to. it's funny how you could tell how i feel before i even say it. i hope fate decides to be nice to us this year. :)

5. i miss being one of the boys and listening to you sing eraserheads songs in the trike. you're like a brother to me, and you're great at that!

6. thank you for taking me out once in a while even though you live so far away. i know you're always busy, but i hope we could do this more often.

7. no matter how much i deny it, i know things have changed over the past months. i just hope you know i'm still here for you... i'd punch him in the face if he becomes an ass. =9

8. we've known each other since high school, but i never got to appreciate you as much as i do now. i'm looking forward to more bittersweet moments with you people!

9. you have no idea how much i care for you even though you piss me off most of the time. take care of that heart coz i still hate her. hehe :P

10. i miss you every single day, and i guess i will for the rest of my life.

guess who's coming to town!

2009-01-12T16:09:00.008+08:00

nope, not the bearded old man in a red jumpsuit showing off his beer belly...
SANTA was sooo last month! i have someone better in mind...

wait, there's four of them!

Fall Out Boy is the bomb yo.

*tear*

click here for more AWESOME details.

i just hope they play the song 20 Dollar Nose Bleed from their new album, and then *poof* Brendon from Panic at the Disco appears to sing his part! yes, i'm a dreamer :P

thank you, billy boy, for the best news i've heard since i discovered cold rock ice cream!
and thank you, mama, for the best valentines' day gift i could ever imagine. heehee =D

permanent jet lag, please take me back!

2009-01-12T01:14:00.003+08:00

i think my biological clock has changed...
hmmmm jet lag?
more like net lag!

HAHAHAHA...and i blame the person who must not be named!
(CLUE: puul na kaayo iyang pangan, cge lang balik2x sa akong recent posts. abi niya special kaayo siya kay pirmi lang imention sa akong blog... but no! its just that... she's always the joke.)

TTFN!

P.S. (oo)

shake it

2009-01-10T21:18:00.003+08:00

...because darlene posted a survey in her blog.
NASUYA ME HAHAHAHA

> 35 Little Secrets:
> Be honest no matter what!
> [ONE] Who was your last text from?
Billy Boy
> [TWO] Where was your default pic taken?
Bianca's room
> [THREE]Your relationship status?
closed for renovation HAHA
> [FOUR] Have you ever lost a close friend?
no
> [FIVE] What is your current mood?
bored
> [SIX] What's your brother's name?
gabe, bill, kyle
> [SEVEN ] What's your favorite color(s)?
green
> [EIGHT] Where do you wish you were right now?
27 main st. dona rita :P
> [NINE] Have a crazy side?
no. i'm always serious. hahaha
> [TEN] Ever had a near death experience?
when kyle drove us home haha
> [ELEVEN] Something you do a lot?
scratch my nose
> [TWELVE] Angry at anyone?
YES. refer to previous post. GAHHH.
> [THIRTEEN] What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
my chair.
> [FOURTEEN] When was the last time you cried?
i don't remember
> [FIFTEEN] Is there anyone you would do anything for?
depends on what i get in return haha joke lang =D
> [SIXTEEN] What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
please, lord, keep the vampires away while i sleep.
> [SEVENTEEN] Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
mariel calejes =)
> [EIGHTEEN] What are your favorite songs?
right now, i'm diggin 20 dollar nose bleed by FOB!
> [NINETEEN] What are you doing right now?
stalling
> [TWENTY] Who do you trust right now?
darlene and marie because they have secrets i can spread anytime HAHA
> [TWENTY-ONE] Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
i bought it
> [TWENTY-TWO] Have you kissed someone in the past week?
no
> [TWENTY-THREE] What is your lucky number?
i dont believe in lucky numbers haha.
> [TWENTY-FOUR] Who are your friends that are closest to you?
BS =X
> [TWENTY- FIVE] Describe your life in one word?
AWESOME
> [TWENTY- SIX] Have you ever kissed in the rain?
yes. haha oh how very cheesy.
> [TWENTY-SEVEN] Who are you thinking of right now?
the girl trapped in a man's body. i hope he dies.
> [TWENTY- EIGHT] What should you be doing right now?
opman paper damn.
> (TWENTY-NINE)If you could wish for something over a birthday cake right now what would it be?
i wish i could fly to 27 main st :)
> [THIRTY] What are you listening to right now?
the sound of my laptop's exhaust fan
> [THIRTY- ONE] Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
coco =D
> [THIRTY- TWO] Who was the last person who yelled at you?
i think it was marie.
> [THIRTY- THREE] Do you act differently around the person you like?
no that's bull.
> [THIRTY- FOUR] What is your natural hair color?
vlack.
> [THIRTY-FIVE]Who was the last person to make you laugh?
krz HAHA

MARK YOUR WORD!

2009-01-08T00:11:00.005+08:00

1. mark my words

Listen to what I say now, I am sure it will turn out to be true.
It will snow in Greenland this winter you mark my words.

click here to find similar meanings.
AND
read below to have a good laugh.

Darlene Lagria: khbaw ba kaaaaaa
Darlene Lagria: gnhn ko mag study
Darlene Lagria: pero......
Darlene Lagria: ma distracted jd ko
Darlene Lagria: unsay advice nmo 3rd yr fren?
Nicole Rae Wong: darlene,
Nicole Rae Wong: that's normal
Nicole Rae Wong: muagi ra ta tanan ug distraction
Nicole Rae Wong: pero in your case, murag maglisod ka
Nicole Rae Wong: kay boang baya ka
Darlene Lagria: BOANG KA DOC!
Nicole Rae Wong: so akong advice nimo noh
Nicole Rae Wong: pagpakamatay nalang
Darlene Lagria: cge ha
Darlene Lagria: d ka maguilty kng tom mamatay ko?
Nicole Rae Wong: dili man cguro...
Nicole Rae Wong: tanawn lang nato
Nicole Rae Wong: itxt tka sa heaven kung maguilty ko
Darlene Lagria: make ur word!
Darlene Lagria: watch ur word?
Darlene Lagria: aw unsay tawag ana??
Darlene Lagria: mark ur word!
Darlene Lagria: mark ur mouth?
Nicole Rae Wong: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Darlene Lagria: unsa naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Darlene Lagria: watch what u say?
Darlene Lagria: unsa na coooole???
Nicole Rae Wong: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
Nicole Rae Wong: kajut sah darl di ko ka stop ug laugh
Darlene Lagria: boang kaaaaa
Darlene Lagria: tabangi koooooo
Darlene Lagria: nag lisod nko dri
Nicole Rae Wong: hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah
Darlene Lagria: mark ur words lagi
Nicole Rae Wong: sure ka na ba?
Darlene Lagria: sure ur words?
Darlene Lagria: pisti ka cole!
Darlene Lagria: unsa baaaa?
Nicole Rae Wong: sure your words darl!!!
Darlene Lagria: nooooooooo
Darlene Lagria: pisti ngpa tabang kong hannah. ga lisod sd sabot nako
Darlene Lagria: hahahaha
Nicole Rae Wong: hahahahhahahahahahahhaha

that youtube dude

2009-01-07T23:16:00.001+08:00

david choi finally smiled!!!
might i say i got excited...
just a bit,
but oh a BIG bit! =D

live high

2009-01-06T00:39:00.014+08:00

obviously, i wasn't able to blog right after i packed. i finished packing in the morning coz i accidentally fell asleep, let's just leave it at that. =D

as i look back to the year that was, i wish i could have grabbed every chance of spending time with my blockmates, discovered gonzaga caf's strawberry shake earlier, gone to simbang gabi in gesu, taken advantage of the belfield lights in december, studied harder for org chem...

YEAH YOU GOT IT.

it's just funny that, despite being the loser that i thought only i could be, i find that i am not alone... the truth is, most of us wish the same.

we wish we could have chosen to be happier.

but i take comfort in knowing that i am surrounded by people who celebrate every mistake they've had in the past year... because no matter how many hearts were broken and how many tears were shed, in the end, we know we have each other. in fact, we wouldn't have known we got each other's back had we gotten the chance to visit heaven (if you know what i mean. HAHA :P) last year.

and so i leave 2008 without regrets or alcohol in my system!

i don't ever mind ending up being janitor nicole (as the t-rex ridiculously puts it) while everyone is struggling against the traitor called tanduuuway.

why, exactly? maybe because when they finally find the will to sober up the next day, i find that they are in fact capable of talking WITH sense. i love them when they're sane.

oh wait, scrap that! they're even more priceless when drunk! trust me, it's a FUHREAKAZOID REALITY TV SHOW with them.

I LOVE YOU, BS.

sabi nga ni jason mraz,

"just take it easy,

and celebrate the malleable reality,

because nothing is ever as it seems,

this life is but a dream."

this year, let us all visit heaven and parteeey like rockstars in the crib! =D

there goes my favorite lemon slice

2009-01-03T23:41:00.003+08:00

so maybe i was wrong about my lemon slice...
well, it wasn't mine to begin with.
as marie says it,
maybe it's just my imagination.

hahahaha i love you, bs.
a longer post will follow when i'm done packing =D

to my palangs :)

2008-12-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

Dearest Kimberly,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

i wanted to greet you personally, but my jet broke into pieces by itself. i called up the travel agency to get a ticket to Europe, but the embassy told me that my gorjusness would intimidate their locals. i ran to the nearest shore, but as i was about to swim, i figured you'd be here by the time i reach there.

i had not other choice, kimbs. so i suited up, and decided to fly... and now, i'm on my way.

hang on, i'm almost there.

*here's a pic of me through my webcam

(who would have known there's wifi in space?)

here comes my favorite lemon slice :)

2008-12-27T21:35:00.007+08:00

what is it with the color that beams through my window pane?
the exact same shade that leaves my knees weak...
the kind that makes me wish i could stop the clock from ticking.

whatever it is, it's back.
and i hope this time, it stays. :)

friggin chemistry don't kid me. (part 2)

2008-12-16T01:57:00.008+08:00

so if the last post was about org chem, this one's dedicated to...

are you ready for this?

indus chem.

i've expressed my loathe for organic chemistry over and again, and i have to say industrial chemistry is by a mile better. (but still three miles behind solving accounting problems. gee, i miss accounting.)

yeah, indus is more tolerable than org chem coz at least this has solving numbers involved. but seriously, the fact that it's chemistry still makes it more than worthy to be in my hate list.

i'm just glad i'm done with the first org chem long exam. and i'm excited for the clock to strike 12:00 noon tomorrow, so i could finally say i got over with my indus chem exam as well.

chemical processes. water hardness. atmospheric pollution. boilers. blah. could i be any more giddy about this...

i wanna go home.

friggin chemistry don't kid me.

2008-12-09T23:26:00.001+08:00

here's the thing:

i have an org chem long exam tomorrow, and i really really have to finish studying tonight (duh!). but i can't just force myself to pull an all-nighter-- no, not just any all-nighter... a CHEM all-nighter! GAH.

i need inspiration...hmmmm...

i'm thinking:
1. cold rock ice cream with reese's and cookie dough. YUM!
2. episode 13 of gossip girl
3. more episodes of scrubs

waaaaaaah.

must. resist. temptations....
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

okey kokey, back to studying D:

divine intervention daw eh :P

2008-12-01T21:50:00.000+08:00

it's crazy how two people break up and still say they'd end up together.
a lot can happen over time, but i choose to believe them both.
siguro nga inooveranalyze ko lang... sana nga tama sila.

lars! i hate you, and i love you.
blah.
hahahaha. :D

there goes he

2008-11-23T16:50:00.009+08:00

Scrubs. Season 1. Episode 23 "My Hero"

(some clips)

this has been the most moving episode so far. john, i can't
believe it didn't reach your top 3. :P

*sniff*

"it's about the day i realized that admitting we're not heroic is when we're the most heroic of all. i guess he'll always be a hero to me."

-JD on Dr. Perry

i think i'll try

2008-11-21T13:44:00.001+08:00

It's time to try defying gravity, sabi sa Wicked.

I think life is a battle.
It's a battle between conformity and defiance.
A part of you says you're too scared;
Another thinks you're crazy.
But there is always only one final take.

When is it worth the risk? I wonder.

a tad bit too different

2008-11-18T21:07:00.001+08:00

After watching a couple of episodes of Scrubs, a thought hit me-- I wanna be a doctor. HAHA lame.

Well, not the "eh anong mapapala mo jan?" kind of lame but the one that goes, "gago, takot ka kaya sa dugo!" I don't know… there are just times when I think I want something because of a certain moving experience.

Like for instance, Mia and I were talking about her cousin Anya and my cousin Julian (such cute babies!) when all of a sudden, I thought, "I want a baby! NOW!" (… na parang magic lang ang gumawa ng bata.)

And then, probably the lamest, after listening to the song "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz, I thought, "I wanna be an artist!" (lame nga, artist daw ba?)… and it happened again after hearing "When the Day Met the Night" by Panic at the Disco and "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay. Haha.

So what's my point? Ewan. Hahaha… it's just that I find it funny that it's so easy for me to say I want certain things that sometimes, I'm no longer being rational. See… I want to be a doctor because the interns in Scrubs have the craziest lives, but I couldn't even afford to get myself a blood test (eek!). I want to have a baby because their baby hands and baby feet are so adorable, but I don't want to be pregnant now and have saggy tummy afterwards. I want to be an artist because it feels great to see people appreciating my works of art, but I'm too afraid of attention.

Siguro nga I don't want those things. Or maybe I want them, but I don't REALLY want them. You see, in one of the episodes of Scrubs, JD said, "Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy." I think I'd do anything to get the things that I really want. And the fact that I don't do anything to live out those dreams I've mentioned, and instead, allow them to rot in my romanticizing lazy mind only prove that they're not that important to me.

I guess I don't really want to be a doctor. What I really want is to be living my dreams in whatever line of work I'd get myself into in barely two years just as JD is doing in Scrubs.

Maybe I don't really want to have my own baby now. What I really want is a bottle of sunshine or a reason to be happy no matter what crap I am faced with.

And gawd, I don't think I really want to be an artist who gets all the attention. What I really want is to see the people who matter appreciate me for the things that I'm good at.

These are the things I'd do anything to have. These are what I REALLY want in my life. :)

hmmm...

2008-11-17T20:39:00.000+08:00

38 days before Christmas., but it doesn't seem like it at all.
Why do i have a feeling this year's Christmas wouldn't be as great as last year's?

i love my friends!!!

2008-11-06T23:10:00.004+08:00

The joke's on Judith.

judith: darl, mag batingshoot na ka daan?
darlene: batingshoot ba uy? bathing suit!
judith: aw lagi, batingshoot!

hahahahahahahaha!!!

the next day...
kim: (after hearing about the batingshoot conversation) nag batingshoot na ka judz?
judith: oo, nag bathing suit na baya ko daan.
darlene: aw arang2x, kay sakto na.

5 seconds after,
judith: cole, nag batingshoot na man sad ka noh?

hahahahahahahaha!!!

The joke's on Clae, this time.

judith: clae, ngadto ta dinner sa pier 1. nindot ngadto.
clae: aw ngadto man gkuha ni jann iyang mama.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

after a while...
judith: ay sa ilaputi nalang ta na!
clae: huh, kinsa si puti?

WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

***clae, isuroy nya tika sa IT Park ha.

58 days

2008-10-28T02:00:00.010+08:00

Santa, I've been nice this year.
Please grant my wish this Christmas.

I wouldn't ask for anything else.

*****
i'm not moving