No Regrets

What could have been

wouldn't have made you who you are right now.

And who you are is beautiful.

<3

1 year and counting

Today marks my first anniversary as a packaging researcher. We have a love-hate relationship, my job and I, but I'd like to believe it's mostly love and just a dash of the other every so often.

I'd be lying if I tell you I'm exactly what my 10-year old self pictured me to be right now. I'm not a cool artist or writer at 22. Creating mock-ups of our products and making sure they look pretty enough for people to buy is as far as I can get to being one. Things turned out to be quite different, but it's the kind of different that I chose and have learned to embrace.

Thankfully, I have a boss whom I learn a lot from and colleagues who lighten up the mood in the office. And some days when I feel like my body just wants to shut down from the clutter of work that has to be done, I just look at my desk as a final refuge to tuck a smile on my face.

I've compiled pictures of people and places that hold an important part of my life and put them on my desk to remind me that beneath the piles of paperwork that make me go bananas are the reasons why I've never given up. I have my family, my friends and this crazy dream to travel the world. ;)

On Finding Angels in Strangers

I met an angel yesterday. Her name was Min Kyeong.

She sat beside me as I was waiting for my friend, Kim, by the exit of the Logos Hope Book Fair. There was an exchange of hellos followed by a good 5 minutes of awkward small talk before I figured that she didn't have plans of leaving me be. Eventually, I learned that she was part of the ship's crew. Aside from helping out in the book fair, she was what the crew called an "Angel"-- one who does the laundry and cleans the bathrooms of the ship. She offered to take me to a tour inside the ship; I declined, thinking it might take a while for Kim to come out. But she insisted to wait with me and tour us afterwards.

In a span of 20 minutes, I learned that she and I were quite alike despite our different nationalities--she being Korean. She was a person of few words; yet, she tried so hard to keep the conversation less awkward as it was. She had the same job of 5 years in a pharmaceutical company in Korea as mine now before she quit and joined the ship. I was intrigued as to what made her leave such a stable job, but before I could ask her, Kim arrived. So she took both of us around, and told us about Logos Hope.

Logos Hope is a ship that sails around the world with 400 Christian missionaries from different countries on board. These people left the comfort of their homes to serve God through the mission of the organization. Among others, Logos Hope is known for the book fair that's found right inside the ship, which they open to the public as they dock in countries all over the world. Their aim is to bring knowledge, help and hope to others.

Hearing about Logos Hope, I thought to myself what a difficult decision it must have been for these people to turn their backs on the lives they had in their own countries to serve strangers along their journey. I remember the many times I ignored or drove away beggars on the streets; yet, there I was, standing next to someone who left her family to serve and make friends with the same people I try so hard to avoid. Listening to her story has been both humbling and moving at the same time.

In this world where we witness bad things here and there, God sends us angels to remind us that there is still good left around and within us. Min Kyeong is an angel, indeed--not only to her crew, but to everyone she has met and will meet through the path that she chose.

And to the 400 people on board Logos Hope, I pray that I would have a heart as good as yours.

And so it took me around a year to decide to make a comeback, a few weeks longer to finally walk the talk, and a few more minutes of staring at a blinking cursor on my screen (did you know that it blinks 50 times a minute?) before I actually pressed a key to revisit what I—until now—could not believe had left. This is harder than I thought it would be.

No, I have not been too busy with work nor has my life turned too exciting for words to describe. In fact, ever since I started embracing what I have come to accept would be my fate for the next 50 years, I gradually lost my zest for life. My days have become predictable and routinary.

While it is true that we outgrow a lot of things in time, I do believe it is hard to “unlove” what have once been closest to our hearts. In my case, it only takes a little nagging from some islands away to remind me of that.

That I should live my life constantly doing what I love. That the world isn’t to blame for a life gone bland. That there is no use pointing fingers, not even towards oneself. That now is the best time to do something about it.

So this is how it used to feel. ☺

In Your Time

Hangzhou, China 2010

Remind me again to believe,

that things will fall into place.

The lost will be found,

the unwanted, loved.

If not today, then tomorrow.

Or in time only You can tell.