among creepy crawling insects, small ugly dogs, the sound of crickets at night, the thought of vampires and other things that i fear, today i realized there is one more thing i've always been afraid of--death.
that is, the thought of losing someone. it's way beyond the overrated drama of college break-ups... more than failed friendships, divorce or even hating someone that you choose not to see him anymore for the rest of your life. the death of a loved one brings an end to being with someone whom you've chosen to share your life with.
the thought of no longer being able to feel the warmth of his embrace or the laughter he brings. that scares me... i know it scares a lot of us.
in philosphy, we talk about death as the only thing that's certain in our lives, so that when we finally face it-- whether it's someone else's or our own--we would know how to deal with it. it seems so simple talking about it in class, but i realized i don't think i will ever be completely ready for it. i just know it's gonna hurt so much.
i guess we just have to believe that everything happens for a reason. time and again, crimes, accidents and diseases seem to prove otherwise, but i've convinced myself that i just have to believe in it. other people may think it's pathetic to look for the good in whatever hell they go through; yet somehow, no matter how pathetic it may be, that little spark of faith is one of the few things that i believe would keep me going. it's what helped me through when i faced papa's untimely death some years back.
and of course, how could we ever get through without the people who choose to face it with us. they remind us that we will never be alone.
...you are not alone. :)
0 comments:
Post a Comment