my hands were busy in the air

i woke up panting with hands numb,
relieved to know i just had a nightmare.

i cannot describe exactly how i felt the last seconds before i could have died in my dream. i was falling to the ground from a roller coaster accident. i could feel the fear with each passing second bringing me closer to death.

it would have felt better had i known i could just wake up, but it seemed too freakin' real.

i remember helplessly praying to God to spare my life... until that split second i was about to hit the ground. my whole life didn't flash right in front of me like most people believe when one's death comes. neither did the most important thing like lily claims in how i met your mother. but a wish came into my mind, and it was the last thought before i could have died.

it's funny... i never thought it would even cross my mind amidst my plea to live. it may just be a dream, but at that moment, it felt real.

and it still does.

i woke up in time to miss the hit... scared and sweating. but when the fear subsided, the wish sunk into my system-- i realized what i want most... the one last earthly thing i'd ask for before my death.

***my personal psychologist (monching haha) insists that dreams don't mean anything, but i'd like to believe otherwise.

that stupid roller coaster sure made me see my life in a different light!

on hugs

Chuck: I can't even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around.
Ned: I'm not a fan of the hug.
Chuck: Then you haven't been hugged properly. It's like an emotional heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breath again.
Ned: That's fine for someone else to do if I'm choking on something other than emotion, but you can't touch me.
Chuck: So a kiss is out of the question?
Ned: I've lost my train of thoughts.

-Pushing Daisies

*i got this from maia's blog... just thought it would be nice to repost. :) im not a fan of pushing daisies, but this surely made my heart melt. :D

down session road

god knows how many times i've attempted to post a blog about the past weekend; yet, my words just fail me every time.

i left Ateneo hoping i'd make a change in the lives of 6,000 highschool students. who would have known i'd come back having 6,000 lives change mine...

this has been 4 of the most inspiring days of my life thus far... and i have not just my kids to thank, but most especially the family i gained. :)

EARCANDY :D

it's late... i can honestly see my corner blur right in front of me. HAHA. but, there's no time to sleep! not yet, at least. haaai! with marketing finally off my hands 3o minutes ago, i must've started studying for hokkien orals.

but that's not how cole rolls... NYEEEEH!

i was so strazzled with marketing, i didn't even notice how quiet the room was! the silence... depressing. hahahaha so instead of  studying, i turned my iTunes on and stared at ryan (such a lame name mama gave her laptop).

and because stalling is how cole rolls, here goes nonsense...

MY TOP 5 SONGS of all time... :D :D :D

5.

BLEEDING LOVE

by Boyce Avenue (Cover)

"And in this world of loneliness, I see your face."

4.

I'M YOURS

by Jason Mraz

"I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some."

3.

FIDELITY 

by Regina Spektor

"Supposed i kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall."

2.

WHEN THE DAY MET THE NIGHT

by Panic! at the Disco

"But her eyes saved his life in the middle of summer."

1. 

VIVA LA VIDA

by Coldplay

"One minute i held the key, next the walls were closed on me."

*Yey! i've just wasted 20 minutes of my night. :)

one word...

and it changed everything.

experiences prove that my memory always fails me, but every time i imagine that night, i remember exactly how i felt... what i wanted to say... what i said anyway. i guess the reason behind such vivid recollection is because i didn't just keep it in mind. i carved it in my heart--the only regret i've had in my life.

and every time i look back, i wish i had said what i meant to say, but i know well enough i couldn't change the past... and i know even better there's no turning back.

how, then, did sawyer change the ending of her story?

sheer luck, or was her dream really bound to happen?

"...not to cling, but to create enough space. sometimes, you have to let go, and it is when you do that the other returns."

-Dr. Leovino Garcia on Possession